i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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