I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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