that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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