i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
