He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
