he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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