what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Help. Why am I so naked?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
