I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
