Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
