Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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