He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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