i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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