Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need to calm my uterus...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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