Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
