Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
