planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
