She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i will never coherently bang her
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
