Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
