I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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