last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
