WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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