It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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