Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
