You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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