i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
