So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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