when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
