well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
