i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize