You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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