I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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