Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
