i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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