Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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