the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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