It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
