Buhtt sex?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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