You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
