i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
