I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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