Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Randomize
