why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
