I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
