people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize