Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
