so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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