Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
