it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
