Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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