if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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