That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
its not stalking. its research.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
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I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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