who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
