He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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