You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
