Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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