u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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