I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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