I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
