i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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