She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
