Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
