Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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