I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
